i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
