She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
only you would photoshop your dick
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
