New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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