so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize