I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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