I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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