Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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