No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
