You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
