If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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