After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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