Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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