just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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