Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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