I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
