So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
