so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
