I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm at about main and main street
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
