My boss' voice literally gives me gas
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
