i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
