White coat. Heels.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
