found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
