STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
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Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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