I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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