Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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