Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
