Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
