she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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