I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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