My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
