She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
