UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize