You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
