Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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