i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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