They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
