Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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