You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
