And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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