I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
