yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize