ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
