Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
