We're facebook friends in real life
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
