Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
