i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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