i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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