Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
