I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
