At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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