Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
