We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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