Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
