I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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