Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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