By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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