Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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