I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
