he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
