Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I died a long time ago.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
