I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
