someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize