he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
