She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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